I like this line from another post I read "would you accept a job that you worked 7 days a week, 24 hours a day with no annual leave or even sick days?" I know there is not an inch of me that would say yes but each one of us with T1D has exactly that, an endless job that does get the best of us sometimes and you fall into a state where you are tired, exhausted and you really don't want to or can't explain why this is happening to you.
I have talked of this before but today I see the other side, I see a burnout from a carer of a type one toddler and me a T1 adult. It has only been 9 months that my wife has needed understand this battle and because it is very much second nature to me I forget that it can be scary, daunting, overwhelming, confusing and out right unfair on those that don't know what the T1 is feeling but has the complete responsibility for management in ultimately keeping someone alive through the actions they do. Don't get me wrong I still have all these feelings but I suppose to understand the intricacies of T1 has allowed me a slightly more process driven head in managing what has to happen. In one way removing some of the emotion if you like.
My wife has adapted and taken on a massive amount of information in a very short time, this information is not just to do a job 24x7 but to do the job while being a teacher, role model, doctor, nurse, dietitian and biggest of a a mother. The emotional elements that come with the last in the list are the driving parts that allow the rest to fit into place. This is a remarkable feet that I cherish each and every day.
Today I see burnout not as I usually do. Not from me having enough but from my wife who is frustrated because numbers are not perfect, because sometimes there just isn't an answer, because to not test at night (which would mean nearly 8 hour sleep) is like saying we will run the tight rope and hope that everything is ok and we all wake in the morning and because we allow emotion to take over from procedure. This is human nature and is in each and every day and needs to be there but as doctors do they remove emotion to ensure the logical path is taken rather than the emotional one.
This burnout is difficult as it is all encompassing and takes you out at the core of your humanity. We will never stop no matter the burnout we will be in because it is our daughters life that is at stake. We will learn together and I hope as someone that has lived this battle that I am not only able to share with my daughter some do's and don'ts but also help my wife with information that will hopefully just make things a little less stressful. I was going to say easier but I honestly do not think any part of T1D is easy and to say so would be to disrespect what we put into each and every day.
I give thanks that my wife has been so accepting of not only her babies new life but has now also understood what I have been doing for so many years behind closed doors if you like. Prior to my daughter I managed myself and kept the nuts and bolts to myself because other than fixing a terrible high or low all the other things could stay with me. Now that we progress down this road she is applying what she has learnt on me also. For example last night, during an episode of extreme tiredness from my MS, I groggily woke up to her pricking my finger to see why my pump was beeping at me. She subsequently found I was down to around 4 so she shoved some sugar into my mouth and made me wake up enough to know what was happening. This isn't something I have asked of her she has done it out of awareness and care and I love her for it.
This disease is a battle not only to the T1D but those all around. Those who care enough to know what is happening and those who want to take the time to take on another full time or part time job. Next time you see or meeting a T1D aknowledge those who spend every moment of there life managing, learning and adapting to ensure there loved ones will continue fighting to become some of the strongest people in the world.
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