The "What If's"

I sit and ponder today as to what will be next? I have recently had a progression from my MS which has seen the sensation on the left hand side of my body now being effected. I can still do everything but what I think has effected me more now than ever is what happens if it does worsen again.

I have just returned from a theme park holiday with my family where we walked our feet off going from one end of the parks to the other and I caught myself looking at the screen for the new dinosaur roller coaster in Osaka Universal studios, it just so happened I was riding this alone in the single rider line so the thoughts were all my own with nothing to distract me. I remember the screen saying all the precautions about the people who they advise should not ride and all of a sudden I thought to my self one day that could be me. Maybe the central nervous system will continue to get attacked to the point of adverse immovability or even disability. My thoughts then grow to taking into account the "what if's" in life.

What if

• The above does happen? How do I put that on my family?
• What happens if I loose sight of management of my T1D and complications follow?
• What if through either MS or T1D I am not able to support my family?
• What if my daughter doesn't want to manage her T1D through out her teenage years and beyond?

This is only but a few but on the secondary side

• What if non of these ever happens?

I am very much a believer in living in reality and trying to make sure I don't live in a fairy tale world where nothing will ever happen. It can be a dangerous place to live sometimes as it takes living on a see-saw and trying to balance out constantly. There are bad days and there are good days but I think everyone can say that. What I think works best is to have what is possible in the back of your mind so that you can gradually accept what may be while you focus on what you are able to do and achieve.

If you do the opposite and focus on what may happen and have your current capability then the mental side of any chronic disease will play a big part of life.

Acceptance is key and even after 26 years I think there are days where you revert back to not accepting what you have but I suppose those days are less than the days that you accept and move forward and appreciate the strength that we have by having these diseases and living each and every day as best as we can.