To tell you the truth and this may seem strange but weight loss scares me. I know weight loss if needed weight loss is a very positive thing where just 5% loss will make a difference and 10% would be a real life changer. Unfortunately along with the daily balance that is T1D weight loss adds another complexity. Well it did for me anyway.
A number of years ago I was having difficulty loosing weight, well actually I still am and I do believe that the insulin on board that we carry with a certain type of person does make it difficult to loose weight. Some doctors will agree and some won't but I do believe it is true. Anyhow, I joined a weight loss group and started eating a strict diet and regular exercise. Standard stuff I know. It all started great in the beginning with a drop of 2 kgs. YAY my problems seemed to be well on its way to being fixed.
What I didn't take into account was that along with taking into account less insulin for the period while I was exercising I also needed to monitor the fact that my body as it shrank needed less insulin overall. Seeing as I only saw my endo between 3 and 6 months I was doing this alone (another stupid presumption). So the good times and bad began. I was loosing weight and over 12 months I had lost 30kgs. I was ecstatic. For the first time in my adult life I was at the top end of my acceptable BMI. Mind you everyone was telling me I look sick. You just can't win.
To get there though I had some of the scariest hypos thus far. The difficulty was that weight loss isn't predictable even though you follow the same routine week in week out. One week I would loose 2 kgs and then the next week nothing or even put on a few hundred grams. When my body decided to she'd some of that extra weight was when the severe hypos would hit and hit without notice.
After an actual gain the exercise and eating caught up with me and my body kicked into gear. I can only remember snipits of this as I woke up in time loss one morning and refused to allow my wife to do or give me anything. The survival adrenalin must have been in full swing as I was told I was all over the house to the point that my ex-wife picked up our baby daughter and left the house. The better thing to have done would have been to call an ambulance but the manage wasn't that strong at that stage. I must have stumbled into the fridge or cupboard at some stage as I remember coming to with a very tingling face and the tiredness that felt like I hadn't slept in days. Not to mention that I woke up to an empty house with the car still in the garage and no note in sight. To not have memory and to realise you were just hypo is a freak out enough but when you wake up to a deserted house really is one of the worst things to live through.
I was on MDI while going through this weight loss episode and hypos were becoming regular and every time it happened I would have to adjust my insulin intake to ensure a bad one wouldn't happen again. In the end I nearly halved my insulin intake over any 24 hour period and that was a complete surprise to me as it was something that nobody had ever discussed. All I was told was that it would be beneficial to loose the kilos. Now that I am also on a pump it has a positive and a negative. Positive that to change settings and reduce my intake is easy and the negative is that insulin is onboard every second of the day.
Over the years and during marriage breakdowns, stopping suicide attempts and finally experiencing my ex wife committing suicide, single fatherhood to 2 very young children, court cases and just life in general unfortunately the weight has crept back on and I suppose that is why I am afraid or scared of weight loss. Even though I now know that the drop in insulin is needed along the way and extra management is vital I just don't have the capacity in my little head just yet. I am now stabilised and not gaining but it will take extra effort to bring it back down. 10% will be my goal to start with but health and family will always come first.
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