After any major step, situation, episode or what ever you may want to call it there is the process of determining "why?". You track backwards looking at what was done differently to have caused the hypo. You look at what was eaten. You look at what was done in the day that could have been deemed as excessive exercise. But I had better go back a step first and give you a quick update on what the episode was.
After a busy weekend around the house the weekend finished and the week started in the worst way. An overnight hypo that I was unaware of and one that would have gone for hours. After cursing me for not helping with my 2 year old daughter overnight my wife realised something was wrong and grabbed my blood glucose meter. Somehow she got me to allow her to prick my finger and her suspicions were correct. She forced some jelly beans into my mouth with the hope I wouldn't reject them. For some reason when very low and the fight or flight adrenaline mode is in place I tend to outright deny that I am hypo and that I need help. Really not helpful I know and after the fact I can admit that but tell that to Mr Hyde when he is on patrol. The glucose finally starts to kick in.
Then the adrenaline subsides and I come to the realisation "Fuck that was a bad hypo as I don't remember anything". I really hate this disease. I work out that by trying to do something good for myself by going for a run has backfired and caused my body to join in the party and shoot me low in the middle of the night even though I had made precautions for this scenario.
I reflect after this that the burden I put on all that are around me is great and I hope I can repay their kindness and care somehow, someday. I also find myself writing this blog entry in the middle of the night watching those I love sleep with the fear that if I go to sleep now what is going to stop me from not realising again. I know that I will eventually need the sleep as my body is drained from the efforts of staying alive in the early hours the night before however it doesn't stop the fear creeping in.
A while ago it was easier as all I had to worry about was me as I was the only one with this lovely condition however since my daughters diagnosis my whole perspective is changing. No longer do my actions only effect my T1 life they can also effect hers. That effect that could possibly send her either high or low is a greater fear than I was expecting. We make the best decisions possible and yes mistakes will be made however we will continue to learn and adapt.
What learning a came from this reflection? Hmmm...
1. Be more vigilant around exercise and test in the middle of the night if there is a need for concern.
2. Have faith that the measures I put in place after this event will keep the beast at bay so sleep will be possible.
3. Every action has an effect that we must learn from. The difficult thing to do though is take the time to commit the learning to memory.
4. Try not to argue with people who are trying to help. Very difficult to do but trying to get through to Mr Hyde at some point.
5. Live for today like there are no others.
6. Thank my family for what they have to do above and beyond their normal life.
7. Reduce insulin intake overall to help keep any hypo at bay.
All in all each one of these are lessons that I have either not committed to memory or have chosen to ignore at some stage and going back to the drawing board is going to help.
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